Book Villains Answer WordPress Prompts

“Coriolanus released the fistful of cabbage into the pot of boiling water and swore that one day it would never pass his lips again.”

First line in The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes by Suzanne Collins

This is going to be weird but hopefully fun too! To explain, I had the WordPress app on my phone but, like everyone else, I was asked to switch to the Jetpack app instead. To me, the only difference has been that every time I open the app, I’m presented with the prompt of the day, and this post is me putting those prompts to good use. You see, I’ve been screenshotting these prompts because surely there was a post idea somewhere in there and that’s when I thought, why not let book characters give their answers to these questions and why not have it only be villains? Afterall, my own answers would be boring.

What you’re about to read is me pretending to be specific characters and answering the questions I’ve picked out for each of them. I could probably have used ChatGPT for this but I didn’t. This is all from my own head (your first and only warning). Finally, I should say that my answers *cough* I mean the book characters’ answers are free of any major spoilers, although I have tried to pick some more popular villains. Let’s just get this over with.

Question #1

Answer by: The Bear (The Winternight Trilogy by Katherine Arden)

Hot and sunny. Who doesn’t love a proper summer day with a clear blue sky and high temperatures? I look forward to it all winter! All that fuss about preventing climate change is really unnecessary when you think about it. So we get higher temperatures in the future? What’s the problem? It sounds marvelous! Sure, it will bring about more natural disasters but who doesn’t love a little chaos to make life exciting? I can already imagine a future without winters and annoying snow so I actually think we should speed up the whole process.

Question #2

Answer by: President Snow (The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins)

As a community, Panem is already efficient and stable, the two most important parameters when measuring any society. Some would say freedom is equally important but freedom breeds chaos and should therefore actually be seen as a community’s greatest threat. To improve Panem, I thus see the necessity to reduce freedom even further, especially among the people chosen to be Head Gamemaker of the annual Hunger Games. I fear we allow them too much freedom to make unwise decisions that could threaten the foundation of the Games and thereby the control we have of the Districts. I’m going to be taking steps to further regulate the Games and make sure the current Gamemaker knows what happens should he stray from the path that I dictate.

Question #3

Answer by: Draco Malfoy (Harry Potter by J. K. Rowling)

My father has always said that most of the staff at Hogwarts should be fired immediately for being a disgrace to the wizarding world, but he and I both have the utmost respect for Professor Snape and Professor Umbridge. They are the only teachers at Hogwarts who uphold the traditional values that young wizards and witches should be taught namely that muggles and mudbloods have no business being at a prestigious school such as Hogwarts. Both Professor Snape and Professor Umbridge were highly influential in teaching me about the status of pure-blood families and both gave me the special treatment I deserved. I was especially inspired by Professor Umbridge’s methods of dealing out punishments to the students who didn’t pay the proper respect to her and the Minister for Magic. Someone finally put Potter in his place which, as my father has always said, Professor Dumbledore should have done years ago.

Question #4

Answer by: Ebenezer Scrooge (A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens)

Always. It is not difficult. People are always coming to me asking for my hard-earned money for this or that. Bah humbug! I do not give money to charity because people are too lazy to do a proper day’s work or because they want to celebrate something as preposterous as Christmas. No, I have no problem avoiding reckless spending of money. I also often deny my clerk Mr. Cratchit days off because days off mean profit is not maximized and I should say anyone would be perfectly happy working every single day of the year for a livable wage. He does ask for higher pay on occasion but he should have chosen not to have so many children if he is unable to provide for them and that is all I have to say on the matter.

Question #5

Answer by: Cersei Lannister (A Song of Ice and Fire by George R. R. Martin)

Most people don’t understand that when you play the game of thrones you win or you die. There is no middle ground. Lord Stark learned that the hard way. Good riddance. That man was much too noble for his own good but what else can one expect from a Stark? The game of thrones is a violent one and I am prepared to do whatever it takes to protect my children. No one shall take them from me or even suggest that my son doesn’t have a claim upon the throne.

Question #6

Answer by: Peter Pan (Peter Pan by J. M. Barrie)

I will never grow up! How dare you suggest such a thing! Growing up is for babies! I want to always be a child and play and have fun and never be a boring adult in a boring office. A day in Neverland is never boring because we can fight the pirates and that stupid Captain Hook or we can swim with the mermaids or look for treasures all over the island. The Lost Boys love it too. They say they miss their mothers but I’m sure I can find a new mother for them. One who can tell stories about the great adventures of Peter Pan so that they’ll never want to leave.

Question #7

Answer by: Mayor David Prentiss (Chaos Walking by Patrick Ness)

I already have my own town named after me actually. The old name, New Elizabeth, was much too feminine and did not fit a town full of hardened men. But of course, why stop with a town? I could get a lifestyle named after me. The Prenty Way. Yes, that sounds right. People living according to The Prenty Way (and that would be everyone) would be diligent, apathetic in their personal lives, and most importantly misogynistic. We cannot have women infiltrating and destroying our well-functioning society because that is what they would do if they were allowed any power. Fortunately, with myself as Mayor and everyone living according to the correct lifestyle, I can protect the status quo and who knows? Maybe I can name more things after myself in the future.

Question #8

Answer by: The Darkling (Shadow and Bone by Leigh Bardugo)

You might have heard that every person is unique but that blabber is just something people say to feel better about their own mediocrity. Being a Summoner is what makes a person truly unique. Both Sun and Shadow Summoner will do considering there are only three of us. This is just facts but fine, make me your villian. I don’t much care. When Alina joins me, which she will because I’m powerful and look like Ben Barnes, we will rule Ravka together and people will revere us for our special abilities that keep them safe. It shouldn’t be such a big problem. People just have to do what I say or get sent to the Fold. Even people who aren’t unique should be able to do that simple thing.

Every sentence took about half an hour to write so that’s all you get this time around.
I don’t even know what to ask at this point but please leave a comment with your favorite answer if you liked this post. I’d much appreciate it!