Fun Lists

Book Villains Answer WordPress Prompts

“Coriolanus released the fistful of cabbage into the pot of boiling water and swore that one day it would never pass his lips again.”

First line in The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes by Suzanne Collins

This is going to be weird but hopefully fun too! To explain, I had the WordPress app on my phone but, like everyone else, I was asked to switch to the Jetpack app instead. To me, the only difference has been that every time I open the app, I’m presented with the prompt of the day, and this post is me putting those prompts to good use. You see, I’ve been screenshotting these prompts because surely there was a post idea somewhere in there and that’s when I thought, why not let book characters give their answers to these questions and why not have it only be villains? Afterall, my own answers would be boring.

What you’re about to read is me pretending to be specific characters and answering the questions I’ve picked out for each of them. I could probably have used ChatGPT for this but I didn’t. This is all from my own head (your first and only warning). Finally, I should say that my answers *cough* I mean the book characters’ answers are free of any major spoilers, although I have tried to pick some more popular villains. Let’s just get this over with.

Question #1

Answer by: The Bear (The Winternight Trilogy by Katherine Arden)

Hot and sunny. Who doesn’t love a proper summer day with a clear blue sky and high temperatures? I look forward to it all winter! All that fuss about preventing climate change is really unnecessary when you think about it. So we get higher temperatures in the future? What’s the problem? It sounds marvelous! Sure, it will bring about more natural disasters but who doesn’t love a little chaos to make life exciting? I can already imagine a future without winters and annoying snow so I actually think we should speed up the whole process.

Question #2

Answer by: President Snow (The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins)

As a community, Panem is already efficient and stable, the two most important parameters when measuring any society. Some would say freedom is equally important but freedom breeds chaos and should therefore actually be seen as a community’s greatest threat. To improve Panem, I thus see the necessity to reduce freedom even further, especially among the people chosen to be Head Gamemaker of the annual Hunger Games. I fear we allow them too much freedom to make unwise decisions that could threaten the foundation of the Games and thereby the control we have of the Districts. I’m going to be taking steps to further regulate the Games and make sure the current Gamemaker knows what happens should he stray from the path that I dictate.

Question #3

Answer by: Draco Malfoy (Harry Potter by J. K. Rowling)

My father has always said that most of the staff at Hogwarts should be fired immediately for being a disgrace to the wizarding world, but he and I both have the utmost respect for Professor Snape and Professor Umbridge. They are the only teachers at Hogwarts who uphold the traditional values that young wizards and witches should be taught namely that muggles and mudbloods have no business being at a prestigious school such as Hogwarts. Both Professor Snape and Professor Umbridge were highly influential in teaching me about the status of pure-blood families and both gave me the special treatment I deserved. I was especially inspired by Professor Umbridge’s methods of dealing out punishments to the students who didn’t pay the proper respect to her and the Minister for Magic. Someone finally put Potter in his place which, as my father has always said, Professor Dumbledore should have done years ago.

Question #4

Answer by: Ebenezer Scrooge (A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens)

Always. It is not difficult. People are always coming to me asking for my hard-earned money for this or that. Bah humbug! I do not give money to charity because people are too lazy to do a proper day’s work or because they want to celebrate something as preposterous as Christmas. No, I have no problem avoiding reckless spending of money. I also often deny my clerk Mr. Cratchit days off because days off mean profit is not maximized and I should say anyone would be perfectly happy working every single day of the year for a livable wage. He does ask for higher pay on occasion but he should have chosen not to have so many children if he is unable to provide for them and that is all I have to say on the matter.

Question #5

Answer by: Cersei Lannister (A Song of Ice and Fire by George R. R. Martin)

Most people don’t understand that when you play the game of thrones you win or you die. There is no middle ground. Lord Stark learned that the hard way. Good riddance. That man was much too noble for his own good but what else can one expect from a Stark? The game of thrones is a violent one and I am prepared to do whatever it takes to protect my children. No one shall take them from me or even suggest that my son doesn’t have a claim upon the throne.

Question #6

Answer by: Peter Pan (Peter Pan by J. M. Barrie)

I will never grow up! How dare you suggest such a thing! Growing up is for babies! I want to always be a child and play and have fun and never be a boring adult in a boring office. A day in Neverland is never boring because we can fight the pirates and that stupid Captain Hook or we can swim with the mermaids or look for treasures all over the island. The Lost Boys love it too. They say they miss their mothers but I’m sure I can find a new mother for them. One who can tell stories about the great adventures of Peter Pan so that they’ll never want to leave.

Question #7

Answer by: Mayor David Prentiss (Chaos Walking by Patrick Ness)

I already have my own town named after me actually. The old name, New Elizabeth, was much too feminine and did not fit a town full of hardened men. But of course, why stop with a town? I could get a lifestyle named after me. The Prenty Way. Yes, that sounds right. People living according to The Prenty Way (and that would be everyone) would be diligent, apathetic in their personal lives, and most importantly misogynistic. We cannot have women infiltrating and destroying our well-functioning society because that is what they would do if they were allowed any power. Fortunately, with myself as Mayor and everyone living according to the correct lifestyle, I can protect the status quo and who knows? Maybe I can name more things after myself in the future.

Question #8

Answer by: The Darkling (Shadow and Bone by Leigh Bardugo)

You might have heard that every person is unique but that blabber is just something people say to feel better about their own mediocrity. Being a Summoner is what makes a person truly unique. Both Sun and Shadow Summoner will do considering there are only three of us. This is just facts but fine, make me your villian. I don’t much care. When Alina joins me, which she will because I’m powerful and look like Ben Barnes, we will rule Ravka together and people will revere us for our special abilities that keep them safe. It shouldn’t be such a big problem. People just have to do what I say or get sent to the Fold. Even people who aren’t unique should be able to do that simple thing.

Every sentence took about half an hour to write so that’s all you get this time around.
I don’t even know what to ask at this point but please leave a comment with your favorite answer if you liked this post. I’d much appreciate it!

11 thoughts on “Book Villains Answer WordPress Prompts

  1. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

    OMG, Line, this is the best thing ever!

    You know, I had actually been screenshotting some of those prompts with the idea of possibly using them for something as well, but you’re definitely miles ahead and about 100 times more ingenious than I am because I never got farther than the saving random screenshots and then forgetting about them part… I LOVE THIS!!

    Obviously, my favorite answer was the one where Malfoy complained about most Hogwarts teachers ignoring his father’s pureblood ideals, but I think you did a great job with all of them. Like, I can totally see every one of these characters saying stuff like this! (Even though I also feel like you chose the Bear for that first prompt just so you could complain about snow some more 😜 Don’t think I didn’t notice!)

    Also, compared to The Prenty Way, Prentisstown is actually starting to sound pretty good πŸ˜… But sure, yeah, I guess we need lots of new names to subdue those feminist ideas πŸ€” Or Mayor Prentiss can just team up with the Darkling and send all non-complying women to the fold… I’m sure both villains would like that!

    Anyway, this was awesome and I’m so glad you invested so many half hours into this! πŸ€—

    (P.S.: I would like to add, though, that the biggest change that came with Jetpack is the new logo I now have on my phone screen. It is so ugly compared to the old one!! I am seriously offended πŸ˜€πŸ˜‚)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! πŸ₯° You’re welcome to do the same thing if you need an idea for your random screenshots πŸ˜„

      You know, after writing the Malfoy one, I did actually try running it through ChatGPT just to see if it would be similar. It said nothing about his father and I just think that’s another huge mark against that technology πŸ™„
      I didn’t actually choose the Bear for the first question because I could complain about snow, it was just an added bonus 😁 I choose him because what other villain would have something to say about the weather?? He was definitely one of the easier ones.

      Prentiss was difficult and I definitely also meant for The Prenty Way to sound stupid πŸ˜‚ But yeah, him and the Darkling should talk. That’s season 9 of Shadow and Bone: the Chaos Walking cross-over that’ll have Mads Mikkelsen play opposite Ben Barnes and then we all die, I guess.

      And you’re right, the jetpack logo is really ugly and it took me a long time to learn not to look for that blue W when I needed WordPress πŸ˜…

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Well, your chances of me finding villains as good as the ones you chose are rather slim, and then there’s also the problem that Jetpack hasn’t solved any of my bilingual WordPress issues, meaning I’d have to translate the screenshots because they’re all in German… So I might have to put them to some other use in order to accomodate my laziness better! 😁

        I’m not sure if I’ll manage to live though seven more seasons of butterfly eating and possibly glowing body parts to get to Mads Mikkelsen though πŸ€” Not even of it means having him and Ben Barnes on one screen πŸ˜‚

        Liked by 1 person

  2. This post is so funny πŸ˜‚ You absolutely nailed those answers!

    I can’t pick just one for a favourite. The first two sound like something deranged real-life world leaders would say, so please never write for a politician if you’re asked. “How often do you say no to things?- Always. It’s not that hard”β€” I actually laughed out loud at this. I have to say, though, that the most convincing answer was Cercei’s. Were you possessed by the character while writing it? She would absolutely say all that. And “because I’m powerful and look like Ben Barnes”, talk about why I found him so appealing in the show πŸ˜‚.

    Also, seeing Peter Pan on the list of villains was a shock, my brain short-circuited. Now that you’ve placed him here I can see why, but never in my years of crying over this story had I thought of Peter as a villain.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! 😁

      And yes, especially the stuff about climate change was based on stuff I’d heard before and it felt right to have a villain repeat it.
      With Cersei’s answer, I could just picture Lena Headey saying these words so clearly so yes, I might have been possessed πŸ˜…

      I knew Peter Pan was a bit of an outlier for this list but he fit the question and I’d already found so many other villains that I decided to squeeze him into that category as well. I mean, there are certainly interpretations of the book that paint him as a villain and I think they’re valid even if it isn’t right in your face. I definitely enjoy the retellings that lean into this interpretation too! But sorry I shocked you so much πŸ˜…

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.